


put the heartbeat back inside

by NorthOfSomewhere



Category: Far Cry 4
Genre: Angst, Canonical Character Death, F/M, Flash Fic, Grief/Mourning, M/M, Past Character Death, Past Relationship(s), Pre-Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-22
Updated: 2021-01-22
Packaged: 2021-03-13 21:01:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 600
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28909761
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NorthOfSomewhere/pseuds/NorthOfSomewhere
Summary: "Pagan," he says into the radio one night.  "Can you tell me a story?"
Relationships: Ajay Ghale/Pagan Min, Ishwari Ghale/Pagan Min
Comments: 9
Kudos: 37





	put the heartbeat back inside

It starts with Ajay letting his guard down.

"Pagan," he says into the radio one night. "Can you tell me a story?"

He's just tired. Tired of making decisions with outcomes that are farther reaching than he can fathom. Tired of Amita and Sabal treating him like he's the rope in their endless game of tug-o-war. He's exhausted and he misses his mom so much his chest hurts.

His voice cracks on the last word.

"Bad day?"

Ajay laughs, the question is just so absurd to him. He wonders if Pagan knew that. He's thankful for it anyway, thankful that he's not crying. Because he's not _ready._

"It's just, she used to tell me stories. And you loved her too, I thought..."

It's dumb, he knows, this tenuous connection he feels with Pagan.

"You don't need to explain yourself," Pagan says and the compassion there is so much more than anything the Golden Path has ever shown him. "I understand."

"Ishwari," Pagan starts, and his voice is soft. The way he says her name, like it's something delicate, is so different from the picture Amita paints of him. A monster. Ajay doesn't have it in him to believe it. "She loved to read, I'm sure you know."

Ajay thinks of the bookshelves lining the wall in her house. Thinks of tucking himself next to her when he was younger, staring at the words like he could understand. Her voice, warm like a summer breeze, as she read to him, one arm pulling him closer to her.

"She believed in a well-loved book. She would take a pen to the pages, marking lines she liked and leaving little notes for herself in the margins."

Pagan laughs a little, "Can you believe I used to complain about that?"

Ajay recognizes the regret buried there. It's the same as his own, looking back at every time he's ever gotten mad at his mom. All the things he wishes he could go back and change. All the times he forgot to call, the times he could have told her he loved her and he didn't.

Pagan continues, "Luckily she put me in my place. She was good at that, your mother. So I bought her more books. Enough to fill a room. Her very own library. I would read them after her and they were so much better, Ajay. Because she left traces of herself in between the pages. I read them still sometimes, and it's almost like she's here with me."

Ajay blinks back tears, the effort to not cry hurts his throat.

"Thank you," he says. "Can I... can I read them too?"

"Of course," Pagan says. "Any time."

Ajay wants to be there now. He doesn't know what he's doing. He doesn't agree with Amita or Sabal. He doesn't necessarily agree with Pagan either, but he _understands._ He's murdered people in his grief too. All he wants is to fulfill the promise he made to his mom.

He takes a deep breath.

"Is now okay?"

"Are you okay to drive?" Pagan asks after a moment.

Ajay looks at his surroundings. It's dark and all his energy is going into not breaking down.

"No," he admits. "I'm not."

"I can send someone for you," Pagan says.

Ajay hesitates.

"Or I can come get you myself," Pagan offers, gently.

"Yes, please."

"I'll be on my way soon, Ajay."

Pagan says his name in that same soft way, Ajay realizes.

He takes another deep breath and this one feels easier somehow, like a weight's been lifted from his shoulders.

 _I'll be okay,_ he thinks.

**Author's Note:**

> Written while half asleep.


End file.
